love is like a bomb

Memories come back with a startlingly new perspective.  You won’t fight for me.  Leave like you do.  I would like to sleep alone tonight. I miss us.  I’m done.  You’re my end game.  Why aren’t you paying attention to me?  I can’t deal with your defensiveness.  You don’t see me.  I always felt beautiful with …

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beneath your thunder

“You ruin everything,” she screams and puts her hands on me. I don’t react. Hundreds of guests. A beautiful place. A beautiful feast. A beautiful night. Except, she gets wasted and does what she wants. Which is fine. Except when she crosses lines. Standing outside the very expensive restaurant I secured for her birthday, and with …

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comfort food night train

You won’t find bruises, broken bones, or split lips. Nothing to outwardly show the world that I am not okay. Sometimes I wonder if I might have liked physical abuse better. The physical body has the ability to heal itself. How does one heal the invisible? I don’t know what to do with the psychological …

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ants, bees and honey…

There are nights I want to tear our house down, light our memories on fire, and throw my wedding ring in the ocean. There are days when tears catch me off guard in public. There are a thousand songs I skip on the radio. There are shows and movies I quickly move through. In every …

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Team I Abandon Myself

Trigger Warning: Suicide/Emotional Abuse “I don’t want you to kill yourself with my fucking meds,” the psychiatrist says, “I’m going to give you a two-week low dose of Lexapro. If you decide to kill yourself with them, you will be in the ICU for weeks, feel like shit and be aware of it, and won’t …

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the last time I killed myself

Trigger Warning: Suicide/Emotional Abuse The inside of my truck cab is filled with empty beer cans and pill bottles. A suicide note sits next to me on the console. Two police officers stand outside the truck window. I blow cigarette smoke into the night as we wait for the ambulance. “You have a very worried …

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